martes, 26 de octubre de 2010

Mid-way collisions.

If there is only one thing, one mere thing that I may be marvelous at, it must be procrastinating. It’s what I’m doing right now, as I write and so easily ignore the many things I should be doing. I wonder still, why is it that the things we should be doing, are never the things we want to do. Sometimes I blame it on being creative, too many ideas for such little time. Yet, time is what we have most of... it runs out as it is born again, dies, re-appears, never ending.

I wonder what you would think of my outstanding ability to focus on everything except what I should be focusing on. I hope it doesnt pester your perception of me, I don’t want to feel ashamed of my delays or my erroneous shortcuts. Trust me enough for me to get us lost and find a way back. I want you to feel this. I want you to see through my looking glass, these are merely brown eyes.

Lets basque in this impermanence, join me for this ride. I have created many routes for us, none of them have an ending. I haven’t gotten there yet... I went to brew some coffee or to have a smoke or to talk to you or a friend or meditate for 3 minutes,3 miserable minutes doing the lotus position seem like eternity. Not as peaceful, yet seen from afar, so serene. Hurts. You can be sure I won’t finish, not now, maybe later. I’m a specialist in leaving right at mid-point, running out right in the middle.

Trust me to not finish this and specially not finish you. I couldn’t, it’s a virtue incapable of my nature. Yet finish isn’t always the same as completing. I can complete things, but I cannot seem to finish. I run backwards from the finish line, I kill my bait before I throw it into the lake. You have seen it, when you come around, taking my hat off... unfinished hair-do´s. I’ll get slightly embarrassed. I will lie about my progress, about my actions, because I can’t seem to admit this, I can’t finish.

But I want you to be here. I want you to help me if not finish, be complete.

Slightly... it’s ok, to mid-way and back, hold my hand.

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