The heights that make us human

“ Not much, heaven knows, in comparison with the reality, but enough to delight generation after generation of beholders, enough to make them understand at least a little of the true significance of what, in our pathetic imbecility, we call “mere things” and disregard in favor of television ”
– Aldous Huxley, The Doors Of Perception, p. 34.

Every object has a complexity of its own. It has a history and a meaning, a tiny social revolution, perhaps. Every object here is a time capsule from the past; it’s a reminder of the human condition, reminding us of the day the tire was born. Every object that is now came from a now that will never be now again. Objects have become almost part of the human flesh, we stopped being purely human (if there was ever such a notion) a long time ago. We are a species of cyborgs, we can’t live with just our own bodies anymore. (Lords of Kobol hear our prayers!)
Today I invite you to immerse yourselves into the history of an object that has been there since the beginnings of the world’s most thriving civilizations and that has made mankind (and after that womankind) stand tall and strong:
Oh yes… I will now lead you through the story of the historical High Heel shoe. (Yes, I’m not kidding)

You want me to climb where with THESE shoes?

The utility for a higher stature brought upon by rising oneself with the aid of an external object has been documented as being thought of for the first time a around the year 3,500 B.C. in Egypt. The use of these artifacts was engraved in murals, which suggests that their importance was sufficient for future generations to know their existence and different uses. Heels were used as a sign of nobility or higher social standing. They were also used for certain religious rituals. But their snobbish attitude ended there; they were also used by butchers to keep from constantly walking on blood and guts from the animals they murdered.

Philosophy way up high

The Greeks and Romans also had uses for high heels. They would be usually used by actors to indicate the importance or the social status of the characters they played, sort of like the modern stilt. Also, prostitutes could be identified by the use of these type of specific shoe… they started the trend. Smart, smart, toga wearing sluts (sorry if I have offended any of the great sex workers around the world, I have only but respect for your career.)

Trampling on shit

“Heels“(basically just pieces of wood) were attached to shoes, used by men and women, so they would not have to trample away their feet in the provincial streets flooded by mud and shit. Yes… human excrement and puddles of pee… I still can’t understand the irrationality of the middle ages. How does one go from creating a civilization built upon the sewage system, philosophers and politicians that would mold the thoughts of the west for eternity, in exchange of mass religious fanaticism and walking around in pools of shit? Some high heels were so ridiculously high to reach 30 inches! These were called Chopines since the 1400s and created in Turkey. This became very popular, especially among women. Heels were also attached to shoes to make horse-riding easier, since they would hold to the stirrups better.

We shall bring God, civilization and high heels to those savages , my Queen!

But how did standing on top of wood add-ons escaping from human putrid doo doo become an international symbol for high fashion, style and womanhood? In pursue for the attention of a male patriarch! Yes, it was Catherine de Medici, who made heels “in”. She was jealous of her husband’s attraction to a taller mistress, so she would wear 2 inch heels to make her look like she had a “more towering physique and an alluring sway when she walked.” Oh, the search for acceptance, the fight for recognition, we’ve haven’t evolved that much after all. Some baboons go for the redder ass… and we wear heels as an illusion of a higher stature. If baboons had factories, probably some baboon mogul would had thought of selling red balm to make their asses look the reddest they can be… maybe she’s born with it… maybe it’s ass-beeline

Off with their heads… and heels

Heels became a symbol for aristocracy. Louis XVI wore 5 inch heels that were depicted with scenes of battles and wars, he also decreed that red heels could only be worn by nobility and no one could wear shoes higher than his. I wonder why he was beheaded… His wife walked her way to the guillotine in a pair of 2 inchers. The French Revolution ended the monarchy and the 3-estates system, this meant the high heel shoe, representing nobility and aristocracy was frowned upon and was obliterated by the raging mobs of the bourgeoisie… for a while. Not even Napoleon (who probably could had used to gain some inches) brought back the trend. He thought it promoted classism and made egalitarianism quiver.

My heels are mine to see… but my boobs, well here they are! Corsettes and heels.

Heels went back in style in the 1860’s. They were catapulted by the invention of the sewing machine, it now enabled for the making of better and more “comfortable” shoes. The Victorian aesthetic was that of a soft, doll-like and delicate woman. High heel shoes made women’s feet look smaller, reminiscent of the Lotus shoe (torture) used in China for centuries. But about this use of heels we’ll discuss later on. Heels also emphasize the curve of the foot; this was an allusion to the curve of the woman’s body and hence objectifying women as sexual objects to be desired. Talk about a shoe fetish!

Because walking is too comfortable…

Heels came back in style during the 20th century during those fun fun years of the “roaring 20s”. Charleston, whisky and HEELS! Later on the 1950’s made a heel-tastic revolution, the Stiletto was created and ten years later it met its best friend the miniskirt. “Stilettos were often banned from public buildings because they caused physical damage to the floors” Have you ever walked a mile in stiletto shoes and a miniskirt? I haven’t but I wonder what goes on in the mind of every girl that wears that special clubbing outfit. That combo! The one that is a must to attract a husband or at least a one night stand or a roofie… whichever comes first. It’s hard to be sexy and walk at the same time, still don’t know how they do it.
Cheers to those girls that have decided to sacrifice in the name of fashion and unknowingly make homage, every night as they give out the ID to the bouncer, to those prostitutes in Greece, those butchers in Egypt and the millions of people that were saved in the middle ages from getting their feet filled with shit.

I salute you.